6. Lee (Min’s wife, Max’s bestie, and Alex’s casual partner)
Lee is a Japanese-Canadian, straight, cis female, and a high-school biology teacher. She is married to Min, and they have a 13 year old daughter named Star. Lee enjoys being a LGBTQ+ community ally, in support of her spouse Min, and Min’s other queer partners including Max, but she only really plays with other men. She doesn’t feel queer herself, although she gets a long very well with queer people.
Lee and Max have become the best of friends though, as close as family even. Lee loves their little polycule. And lately, she and Max have taken to calling each other sister-wives. For one thing, because it’s funny, but it also feels like a good way of describing their relationship. Lee plays with Max’s husband Alex sometime, and Max with her spouse Min, but they don’t play with each other. So their relationship is a little bit more like that of sister-wives in a polygamous marriage, who share a husband, but don’t play together… Accept without all of the religious weirdness, of course.
Lee met Min back in high school, and Min was using “he/him” pronouns at that time. She always knew that there was something different about Min, and suspected that he might be bisexual, but it didn’t bother her. Min has always been very good at having her feel wanted and loved. So what if Min was attracted to other men? That was fine, so was she. It didn’t have to mean anything, they were monogamous at the time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look!
She always knew that she could talk about her attraction for other guys with Min just like one of her girl friends. And Min would agree with her, or disagree, and suggest another guy he thought was more attractive for her. Sort of like “what about that one?” And “oh no, that guy’s way hotter.” So this kind of conversation became normal for them. Although it never really went beyond this kind of talk, at that time in their lives.
It wasn’t until they finished high school, and went off to university in the city, that Min finally started opening up more about his bisexuality. Lee was not at all surprised when Min told her that he was attracted to other men. But she told Min how proud she was of him, for finally sharing his feelings with her. Eventually it was Lee, who suggested the possibility of opening up their marriage, to give Min the opportunity to experiment with other men. Something he had never felt comfortable with when he was living with his extremely conservative family.
At first it was very scary for both of them, of course it was only fair that if Min got to play with others, that Lee would play with others too. They took things very slowly at first. They tried going to sex clubs together, they liked being with one another while the other was playing with someone else. For some reason it helped to be together while playing with others. Knowing that the other was present, and comfortable with the situation helped them both feel safe and secure. Soon they realized that it was actually even a bit of a turn on for them, to be able to watch their partner be pleasured by another person.
This is how they eventually met Max and Alex, at a sex club they all liked to go to in the city. At that time Min was still he, and their relationship with Max and Alex was just a straight partners swap, or swinging relationship. It was very casual at first, they would run into each other at the club sometimes and play there. Eventually they traded contacts and started to see each other outside of the club more regularly. Double dating lots.
By the time Min and Lee got engaged they had completely opened up their relationship and were totally comfortable playing with others, with or without each other there. Lee tried experimenting with other women, like Max, just to see if it might be for her, and it just didn’t really do much for her. So now she just plays with other straight, cis-men, like Alex, and some others.
Over the years Lee and Alex, Max and Min, became closer and closer. Until they were spending so much time together, it made sense to buy a house together so they wouldn’t have to travel so far to see each other. So that’s when they started their communal home in Hamilton. When Min and Lee got married, it was in their polycule house backyard with all their partners and friends present, and Max was Lee’s maid of dis-honour.
Then Min came out as pan-sexual, and started playing with other women and men, as well as trans-gendered, and non-binary people. Over time Min became more and more queer and androgynous presenting. His style changed, and he started to wear a lot more pink, and even started borrowing some of Lee’s makeup to get ready for parties. This was a little odd for Lee at first. And this when Alex started to become more uncomfortable with Min. And Lee started to play with Alex separately from Max and Min.
It wasn’t until after they were married, and had just had their daughter Star, that Min finally started opening up more about feeling that he was not a “he”. They both did a lot of research on it, and it was a little bit more difficult for Lee to accept “him” as “they”, than it was for her to accept “him” as pan-sexual. She didn’t know why this was so much more challenging for her, but she figured more than anything it was a problem of language, “they/them” being a plural pronoun. Also the issue of having known Min as “him” for so long, she really struggled to remember to say “they.”
It took a very long time for her to finally wrap her head around it, she is pretty good about it most of the time. And now, she can usually catch herself and correct herself right away saying “they/them/their” without being prompted. Min really appreciates this, and will often reward her with a sweet kiss on the cheek, or a little shoulder rub, as a reward to her noticing her mistake and for getting it right. Min truly is incredibly patient with her, and she really appreciates that. It’s made things a little easier throughout Min’s transition to “they”.
Since Min transitioned to non-binary, it doesn’t always work for them to play together anymore, as different partners have different needs or comfort levels. For example, whenever Lee plays with Alex, she goes to his room alone, because Alex is uncomfortable around Min. This difficulty between them has caused a lot of stress in her relationship with both partners over the years.
She really likes Alex a lot, she understands that it’s really hard to remember to say “they/them” instead of “he/him”, she struggled too at first. But she can’t understand why Alex won’t just apologize for his mistakes and correct himself when prompted. Also it causes arguments between Lee and Min sometimes, because Min can’t understand why she continues to see a person who is so aggressive in his refusal to modify his language.
Lee definitely sees less of Alex these days. Since they all moved to the ship, and have been living in such isolation from the rest of the world, in tight quarters, for the past ten years of preparation to go to Mars, the strain on her relationship with Alex can clearly be seen by everyone. She still really likes Alex. But it’s often not worth the upset that it causes her spouse Min when she sees Alex. Their play times together have become fewer and further between, and she misses the good old days, they all used to have together, before Min transitioned.
She understands that Min is who they are, she accepts them, she supports them, and loves them very much. But it has not been easy on her. She understands that it has not been easy for Min their whole life in struggling with their sexuality and gender, and dealing with the expectations of society, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t affect her too.
Lee is also a big part of the mission, as one of the science education experts, working together to create a brand new curriculum for the children and young adults of the Mars Mission. She’s very excited that she gets to continue to work with the principal of her former alternative school for advanced science and technology. The same principal she worked with at the alt school where she taught back in Hamilton.
She very much enjoyed working with Mrs. Browne, or Jess to her. Jess has an incredible mind, as well as a talent for working with other educators in a way that makes everyone feel valued. When Max asked Lee to help here put together a team of educators to create a new education curriculum for the new Mars Colony, Lee knew that Jess was the best person to help her put this together.
Now Jess and her wife Susan are coming on the mission too, along with an amazing group of other teachers and curriculum writing experts from around the world. Everyone is really excited about what they are creating. And so far the students on the ship, their first pupils for the new curriculum, are really taking to their lessons well.
Perception:
Lee values education above all things. She loves working with young people and helping to shape the minds of the next generation, who will inherit the Mars colony and continue their work over the centuries to come.
Attitude:
Lee is smart, well educated, and a pretty good balance of introversion and extroversion, she’s an ambivert. She likes talking with other intelligent people with interesting ideas, but she also likes to party sometimes. She loves being in an open polyamourous relationship, and being free to play with other men whenever she likes.
She’s very sex positive, and would never slut-shame anyone. She supports everyone’s needs and desires. She feels strongly about female empowerment, and a strong science based education for all. She hopes that the new curriculum will help to make science and technology more appealing to little girls, creating more interest and opportunity for women in the field.
Dramatic Need:
She loves her spouse Min, but sometimes she misses the relationship they had, before they transitioned to non-binary. She is a bit worried about going to Mars, where there will be fewer straight men for her to date. She is more sexually attracted to a more masculine presenting person. And she worries about the stressful situation between Min and Alex, which often means that she can’t even spend as much time with Alex as she would like. She really likes Alex a lot, but it’s hard for her to see him without upsetting Min, and causing issues in their marriage.
She is excited about the Mars mission, but also worried about a lot of things that she cannot control, that could go wrong. She knows how important Alex is to the mission logistically, and she wants him to come on the mission, both for the success of the plan, and because of her emotional attachment, and sexual attraction to him. But she worries about what it will do to her relationship with Min long term.
She and Min have been together for a very long time, so as relationships do, theirs is going through a bit of a dry spell. They don’t play together as much as they used to anymore. Also she is feeling less sexually attracted to Min, since they transitioned to a more and more queer way of dressing, and wearing makeup every day, not even just for parties.
These days she is more physically attracted to Alex, but it’s really hard for her to spend time with him, without causing issues with Min. She knows that Min feels sad and rejected by her, and she hates hurting them. She wishes there were some way for her to be with both of them, without hurting anyone. And she wishes that Alex could just get over his shit, apologies to Min, and move on from his xenophobic biases. It would make her life so much easier if he would just give it rest already.
She wishes there were some way that she could fix things between Min and Alex. She needs them to stop butting heads so much, their feud has made for a stressful environment for everyone on the mission. She had hoped that more exposure to different people, gender expressions and lifestyles, would change Alex, but things don’t seem to be happening fast enough, and it’s almost time for the mission to make its way towards Mars. She is feeling very uneasy about it.