Day 16: I over did it again! (Tues March 31, 2020)
I was so excited to finally wake up feeling well yesterday, and so full of energy to get something done, that I think I pushed myself a little too hard and I’m paying for it today. I’m such a person of extremes. I can never just go at things one step at a time. It’s always full tilt or stopped dead.
In hindsight, I would describe my day yesterday as hyper vigilance. I got into a cleaning frenzy, and when that happens, I kinda get in a bit of a mood. It’s this “I have a job to do” kinda mood, but it’s a bit angry. I stormed around the house cleaning everything with such vigorous contempt for the existence of dirt and germs that I got myself all worked up and couldn’t sleep last night.
I tried everything. I downloaded two different sleep noise and meditation apps on my phone and tried three or four different white noise soundscapes, as well as a guided meditation. Nothing helped. I ended up still awake at close to 4 am, so I decided to listen to my audio book for a while until my mind calmed down. Then I finally got a couple of hours of sleep, but not much.
I can imagine what it must be like to live with me haha! When I get it in my head that it’s cleaning day and your in the way… oh brother. Watch out! My roommates boyfriend was sitting in the living room, just trying to play video games, and I’m all making him help me move the fridge so I can clean behind it. The fridge! I don’t know how COVID-19 could possibly get behind my fridge… but I NEEDED to clean there.
I also pulled out the stove. That was easier to move on my own, and really I probably should have cleaned back there sooner, there was a lot of really disgusting greasy, oily shit back there. It took hours, the entire stove was stripped on all sides with oil and food splatter.
Later when the roommates got so fed up with my storming around cleaning everything they went out for a while and cleared the couch area for a little while. I took this as the perfect opportunity to get out my new steamer and steam cleaned the couch. Amazing results! It looks almost like new again!
I’m not sure why I get like this, but I often do. I think it’s a touch of mania, when I come out of being sick and depressed for a long period of time. As soon as I start feeling like myself again, I get so excited, and things kinda flip the other way. I get super worked up about nothing and then I can’t sleep. I might be a bit of a lunatic, but this is not new. And at least I’m well on my way to a nice clean house.
Day 17: Weds April 1, 2020:
A bit better sleep but not perfect. I went to bed early at 9:30 pm because I was wiped after not sleeping the night before… but I forgot to turn off my 11:30 pm reminder to go to bed alarm before falling asleep so that woke me up after only a couple of hours of sleep. And I could get back to sleep after that again. What the hell brain?! Shut the hell up!
As you can imagine, the elderly roommate decided to cancel her stay with me. 🙁 It wasn’t a terribly big surprise, but it really does leave me, at the last minute, in a tough spot. My current roommate and her boyfriend will be here until the 6th, but that’s not a lot of time to find someone new. Plus I will need to do a lot of work cleaning this whole place before someone else moves in. I want to make sure all the germs are gone! That may take some time.
So, I told her that I understood, but that it will be some time before I can afford to return her last month’s rent deposit. I will have to find another roommate first, and also wait until the government support money comes in to help me cover things. But, I gave her my word that I would get it back to her, as soon as I am able.
Why did I do that!?! It felt like the right thing to do at the time… she is elderly she needs to self-isolate alone so she doesn’t get this virus. She is high risk. But, now I’m stuck without a roommate for the rest of April, and had to borrow money from my parents to afford the full rent for my two bedroom apartment alone. I need a week to clean and disinfect everything maybe… but not three weeks. Oh well, it’s the right thing to do and I said I would and that’s that.
IATSE 411 (Union for Production Coordinators) has been coming out with a wonderful program of online webinars and workshops during this time of isolation. It’s all really quite wonderful and normalizing. And this week, I have finally had enough energy and brain sells to get on one of them. Today, I did a webinar called, Financial Management in Uncertain Times. Did it even apply to me? Hard to tell…
My situation is so complex and the rules of the new program are so unclear. I’m self-employed so not EI eligible, which is fine, but I work through my incorporated loan out company, so technically my income is on my corp side, and technically I don’t have the personal income to get the CERB. But, they say self-employed can apply. So I have to assume that this applies to me, even in this unique situation of being incorporated. Right?
I’m starting to think, more and more, that my whole industry might be shut down for at least a year. If that’s the case, should I be thinking about quitting the industry and finding something else ASAP? I might have to at some point. I can’t be stuck on social assistance for a whole other year! That’s crazy!
After the CERB is gone, how will I make money if I can’t go back into production work? I can’t get EI, and OW is so much less than the cost of living here in Toronto, that I can’t survive on it for a whole other year. Especially not without a summer of working full time and paying down all my credit card debt first.
It looks like masks are proving to work in preventing the spread of the virus in other places. The Czech Republic has made it mandatory for all people to wear them whenever they leave their houses. I protect you, you protect me. Why aren’t we making them mandatory here? https://youtu.be/2_WxtSavZR4
Also I took my very first walk outside in weeks and it was so sunny and nice outside! It was soooooooo good! I needed that! Please normal full nights sleep tonight! Please! Please! Please!
Day 18: Thurs April 2, 2020
Still didn’t sleep very well again last night. What a pain in the ass this is! But, I made myself get up anyway and do my online training and development through IATSE 411. It does help to have a sense of purpose. Something that I need to get myself up for everyday.
I also did an even longer walk outside. Lovely out again. This is good for the body and spirit. And it looks like even more people I know are making homemade masks. This is awesome! Go arts community!
Day 19: Fri April 3, 2020
I finally, FINALLY, got a pretty good night’s sleep last night! YES! So I’m setting goals for next week. Going to start doing more creative writing, ideation and screenwriting.
Someone sent me a link to this video about a really important breathing technique, that no one in healthcare has been talking about with me, since I found out I most likely had this virus. Because it is a respiratory virus and a large part of your lungs are on your back, if you sleep on your back like I’ve been doing a lot, you are not allowing the oxygen to get all the way into your lungs.
What!? Why didn’t anyone say anything about this at the hospital? Why didn’t the Telehealth nurse say anything about this when I called to speak to someone? Why didn’t my family doctors office mention this? What in the hell?!
Here is a link to the video about the breathing technique for people with the virus or recovering from it. I hope you don’t need it, but if you do, this is an important video to watch. https://youtu.be/EQlFeBLrbS0
Also here’s a video about how to make a face mask with a bandanna and some hair ties without sewing it. https://youtu.be/oPYp-kjiqtw If you are feeling more crafty, there are tons of patterns out there for sewing your own masks at home.
Another thing I’ve found really helpful in these troubling times is having a daily yoga practice. I am no pro, and that doesn’t matter. With a home yoga practice no one is judging. That’s why I really love this woman. Yoga with Adriene has gotten me through some really tough times in my life.
I’ve done her 30 Days of Yoga challenge a few times now and right now I’m doing this Yoga for Uncertain Times and I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with stress anxiety or just needing to get a bit more active during this tough time.
Yoga for Uncertain Times:
Also I want to talk about the issue of things like not having access to laundry without using public laundromats… You don’t know the cleanliness of these places when going into them. My usual local place that I go to is now closed and I have been having to go to others and it’s been a nightmare.
Change machines not working… no attendant there to help. No number to call when having trouble. Just seriously stressful and makes a usually simple weekly or biweekly chore into an all day project. Moving forward, should this be something we consider a standard requirement of a rental apartment, in this day in age?
Also dishwashers! Are they better for cleaning and disinfecting dishes, probably, should these become standard in apartments in a post COVID world? What about the small portable ones? Are they just as good? Or are they not as effective at disinfecting as the built in ones… do they get hot enough to kill all the germs?
I’m sure you have come up with all kinds of ideas too. And have your own thoughts on how to keep yourself and you loved ones safe and healthy. Please feel free to share with me in the comments about your ideas and links to some techniques you have been using.