Day 14: Shouldn’t I be better by now? (Sun March 29, 2020)
I had a horrible sleep last night and I wake up after sleeping in until 1pm and I’m still exhausted, as if I haven’t slept at all. I struggle to get up. I can’t get out of bed. I feel weak and sickly and everything hurts. Partly that’s because I started my period and I have the most horrendous cramps, but also something else is not right with me again.
I feel nauseous, and unable to think straight. I eat a couple of oatmeal cookies for breakfast, so that I can take my medication, Tylenol and daily vitamins. I relax in bed doing a bit of reading and responding to messages. Then I put on my mask and go make myself a proper lunch.
Then later when I’m back in my room, I am playing a relaxing game on my iPad and eating my lunch, and all of a sudden I get really dizzy. This dizzy feeling is really intense. And if I wasn’t already in bed sitting propped up by pillows, I’m sure that I would have fainted and fallen.
I started texting with some friends about it, because I’m feeling very strange and I’m scared. My fever is still around 37, but not much over. I’ve just been eating lunch so it’s not low blood sugar, and I’ve been drinking plenty of water with lemon. What is going on with my body?
My friend asks, what about low blood pressure? I said yes, I do have naturally low blood pressure, but what could have caused it to suddenly drop like this? It was really scary.
My friend then suggests maybe some of my relaxing yoga that I’ve been doing these past few days. I say I was planning to do that after lunch, but I don’t feel capable of it right now. I’m so dizzy I don’t think it would be safe to stand, let alone do yoga. Then all of a sudden I’m also feeling very drowsy too. Can hardly keep my eyes open drowsy.
She doesn’t like the sound of any of this, and thinks I should call a doctor. But it’s a Sunday and my family practice will be closed. I think perhaps I should just call telehealth. But I also really can’t even look at my phone. I’m so dizzy and all I want to do is close my eyes and go to sleep.
She doesn’t like the sound or that either, and says I should make the call before I take a nap. So I do, but there is an option to leave a message and be called back, so I take that, rather than waiting on hold for hours.
She’s trying to keep me awake, asking me questions like: what I’m going to be writing about today… but I can’t even think straight. “Brain not brain-ing so good,” I tell her, and I wonder if I’ve accidentally taken too many Tylenol’s.
Did I accidentally overdose myself? Between my period and being sick with this respiratory thing… I’ve been taking a lot more painkillers the past couple of days because my cramps are excruciating for me.
So, I go through the recommended and max daily doses with her over the phone. I read them to her from the side of the bottle. It says max in 24 hours is 8. I think I’ve taken just 2 of the Tylenol cold and flu kind in the morning, maybe another 3rd pill of regular Tylenol after that, if I still needed to take the edge off with my cramps?… But I’m sure that’s all… I think I’m sure… So that can’t be it. Right?
I’m laying on my bed trying not to fall asleep or stress out too much. I lean straight backed against the cold wall, without any pillows and that seems to calm things down a bit… and the dizziness and extreme drowsiness slowly begin to subside. It’s about an hour later by the time the wave has completely passed.
Then I’m able to get up and do a few things, I do some yoga, I’m not able to do very much. It’s a struggle in a way that yoga normally isn’t for me. But it has been harder than normal for me since I’ve been sick and inactive for a while. I’m a little better, but rest of my day was still a bit of a fog.
I finally talked to another friend later in the evening, this friend is a paramedic and I explained my situation to him. He said it’s very likely just low blood pressure, like that feeling when you stand up too fast. And he says it’s probably nothing to worry about. Blood pressure can drop for any number of reasons, but usually not anything very serious.
There is something about having someone who’s trained in healthcare, telling you that it’s nothing to worry about, that really puts your mind at ease at a time like this. If he’s not concerned, then perhaps I don’t need to be concerned either. So I should increase my salt, I go get a bag of chips and drink lots of fluids. I’m feeling a little better already. I open my window and let in the fresh air. That helps too.
By the end of the day I’m still not feeling 100% right, but I’m much improved. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight and will be able to get up in the morning without feeling so ill. I really hope I can make a full recovery this week. I’m so tired of feeling sick, scared and not myself.
Day 15: Recovery! (Mon March 30, 2020)
For the first time in two weeks, I woke up this morning feeling pretty close to normal, breathing normally, and I didn’t even take any decongestants last night. For the first time in what seems like ages, I slept all the way through the night and woke up to my alarm at 10 am this morning and I didn’t feel like utter garbage.
I almost started my normal daily sick-life routine of eating breakfast in bed, while checking and responding to messages, then playing some games on my ipad while eating and taking my morning meds. But instead, I had the sudden urge to get up and be productive. My brain was clear and I had a sense of wanting to achieve some goals today.
So, I sat at my computer and paid a few bills. When that was done, I started looking into doing my very first blog post on my website. Watched some tutorials on how to do it, and got my head wrapped around it. Then it was lunch time. I went and made myself a sandwich and then began the process of cleaning my entire house. I started with my kitchen. Cleaning every surface. It felt so good.
When I was happy with that it was late in the evening. The time went by in a flash. I went back to my blog and wrote a preamble to my Day 1 post and prepared to publish my post to my website.
This website and hosting was purchased over five years ago, when I first started my company. I never made a website for it. There was always something else that needed doing more. I finally built myself a WordPress website last winter while in Europe.
I had every intention of promoting it and starting my blog a year ago, but I just didn’t. I chickened out again. I thought to myself, this isn’t good enough. It’s unprofessional. It’s not finished yet. I don’t have my portfolio set up on there yet. All the things.
And all those things are still concerns for me. And, I’m just sick to death of lying to myself. Sick of telling other people that this year is going to be different. Now, I will finally start concentrating on my own creative ideas. And then I go right back to avoiding it again.
Every time it was a lie. Until today. Today I’m doing it anyway. The website still isn’t quite finished. My Portfolio is barely even started and only has one of my credits in each category. I did this about a month ago, when I was building the structure for the portfolio page.
But, if I keep saying that I will only start my blog when the website is completely finished and perfect. At this rate, I will be telling myself lies for another five years, and nothing will come of it. Enough already! This happens today!
It feels so good to finally get this out. I’m sure very few people will bother reading it. That’s fine. I will know that I did it. I faced my fears and did it anyway. It’s out there for people to read at their leisure and whether they will or they won’t, I’ll know that I kept my word to myself.
And that is the true gold! I have restored my integrity with myself, and perhaps that will translate into a new relationship with others… a new opportunity maybe. That’s an exciting thought.