Day 4: Do I have the Plague? (Thurs March 19, 2020)
I thought I was getting better, my temperature was down in the morning, but then later in the evening it spiked back up again 37.5. What the hell!? I got all sweaty and then cold and clammy. I don’t understand why it keeps going back up so high, later in the day. This is really not normal for me. Especially when I am not doing anything to make my temperature spike. I’ve been very inactive since getting sick. I rarely have a temperature even when I am very sick. This is not normal all at all.
My breathing issues are really starting to trouble me, and every time I have any kind of strange sensation in my body it makes me wonder, is that normal? That doesn’t feel normal… My breathing is shallow, rasping, and often I have dull pains when I try to take a deeper breath in. I continue to feel light headed and woozy. My brain feels cloudy and strange. The dry cough persists. I have body pains and I’m exhausted all day long. I’m not sick enough to need to go to a hospital, but something really is wrong. I’m not sure what to do.
I’m afraid that my fever keeps spiking because I have some kind of infection. It could be something that I need antibiotics for, or it could be something that is viral and I can do nothing about, and it could be COVID-19. I really want to know what it is, so I can treat it accordingly. Whether it’s “nothing we can do but get rest and wait for it to pass” or “you need a new puffer for your asthma,” I just want to know.
At the moment, because I have the symptoms that I have, I can’t go to my family doctors office. That would possibly expose the medical staff and patients in that clinic to someone who could have COVID-19. I could expose someone who is there with other issues, and has a compromised immune system, and is therefore at high risk for this virus. So, my only option is to go to one of the test centers first to find out if I have it, and if not, then I can make an appointment to deal with whatever this is, right?
I had a discussion with a couple of my friends about it tonight and they both seemed to think it was a very bad idea for me to go get tested for COVID-19. They argued with me saying that it was putting myself and others at greater risk for me to leave my house to go to a test center. And, even if I do have it, that it won’t change anything. There is no treatment or cure for COVID-19.
But I don’t think that’s true that it wouldn’t change anything. I think it does change things. If I do have it, then I might need to self quarantine for much longer than 14 days. I need to quarantine until I get over the virus. And, by how many days after I recover from the symptoms can I safely end my quarantine? How long am I still contagious? Are there things that I need to know like what medications a can or cannot take?
What if I don’t get tested, and after my two weeks I’m feeling well enough that I stop distancing quite so much, and I go for a walk with my partner? Or what if he has to come and stay here with me for a little while, because he can’t be relocated for his new job in New York, due to this outbreak? And what if he needs somewhere to go in the meantime, and I’m thinking I’m better so he comes here? And what if I give it to him, and he has complications because of his other health issues? What if he needs to be hospitalized because of me? What if he dies?
Not only that, my new roommate who is supposed to move in with me on Aug 1st is elderly and at high risk for COVID-19. If I have it and she moves in here and there is any chance that I have it and could spread it to her, I should really know about that so that I can inform her. She may not want to live here if she knew that I tested positive for the virus and this is not just your average flu or cold.
Also, what if I don’t have it, but I do have some other kind of respiratory infection that should be treated with antibiotics? And I keep going without it, because I don’t know, and it gets even worse and harder to get rid of. I had strep throat for a month and a half last year, and that was with me taking antibiotics for it the whole time! I can’t even imagine how bad my infection could get if I wait much longer. I can’t imagine how long I might have to be on antibiotics again.… And, antibiotics are not good to take too often. I could become resistant.
What if this is just the usual bronchitis I tend to get every year, that has gotten into my lungs, and it has become pneumonia, like a couple of years ago? And what if the pneumonia is aggravating my asthma? The asthma could be getting worse as I get older. My lungs could be getting weaker. It’s possible that I need a different type of puffer than the one I have right now. Maybe Ventalin is no longer enough. I need to see my doctor to determine that. And I can’t see my doctor if there is a chance I have COVID-19.
So, there I am again. Back at square one. I need to know if I have it or not.
I don’t want to be a drain on the system! I don’t want to spread it around. I don’t want to be the reason that somebody’s grandma dies too soon. Or father. Or mother. I know there is a shortage of test kits, and they should go to the really deadly cases where someone really might kick the bucket if they don’t get on a ventilator. I don’t want to take a ventilator from someone who needs it, I want it to go to someone in dire need.
I don’t want to be part of the problem. I know the doctors have their hands full right now. But, I’m sick, and I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be an asshole, but I think I do have a right to know. I just wish there was some way to do that without it having negative consequences on others.
Ok, I’m going to call my doctor again tomorrow and find out what they think I should do.